WEINERS, WATERGATE, AND WALLBANGER

If you read cookbooks from the 1970s, you'd think Americans lived on Campbell's soup and weiners back then. Maybe we did. The '70s were kind of the golden age of convenience food, when you could open a few cans, add some weiners, and proudly serve up something called a "bake," "supper" or "delight." And nobody batted an eye. Plus for dessert you could have Screaming Yellow Zonkers, or a good, boozy Harvey Wallbanger Cake, Sock-It-To-Me Cake, or Watergate Pie, which was really not a pie at all but something with pistachio pudding (wha??) and a pecan sandie crust. And nobody cared that everyone was already sauced from the cocktails. It was the SEVENTIES. I've heard this phrase used repeatedly to excuse just about everything from wife-swapping to DDT.

And the cocktails. The glorious, swanky cocktails. My grandmother was single and working for a liquor distributor in the '70s. So she had every cocktail recipe ever invented, plus lots of awesome logo swag like windbreakers, keychains, lamps and toys. We had a life size Johnny Walker Red bottle for a penny bank. A giant, blow-up canoe for the swimming pool that said CUTTY SARK on the side. And an inflatable Tanqueray alligator. She drank whiskey sours and played cards every Thursday. I adored whiskey sours as a child, but I could never understand why they'd ruin it by putting nasty whiskey in it. She used to make the powdered mix for me just with water and let me drink as much as I wanted.

So why don't we throw a party, play some canasta, and pretend that convenience foods, DDT and loads of alcohol aren't going to kill you. What the hell. Sock it to me.

SPAGHETTI FRANKFURTER SUPPER
1/2 cup each chopped celery and onion
2 tablespooons shortening
1 pound frankfurters, sliced
1 can condensed tomato soup
1/2 cup water
1 teaspoon Worcestershire sauce
6 ounces cooked spaghetti

Cook the celery and onion in the shortening. Add the franks and brown. Add everything else and heat for 15 minutes. Serve over the spaghetti.

BEAN AND WEINER BAKE
for starving he-men

6 hot dog buns
6 weiners, sliced in half lengthwise
1 can condensed bean & bacon soup
1/4 cup ketchup
1/3 cup water
2 tablespoons sweet pickle relish

Preheat the broiler. Separate the buns and put them face-up on a cookie sheet. Put a weiner half on each one. Combine everything else and spread it completely over the tops. Broil until hot.


WATERGATE PIE

• 1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
• 1/4 cup chopped walnuts
• 3/4 cup butter, softened
• 1 (8 ounce) package cream cheese, softened
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
• 1 cup confectioners' sugar
• 1 (16 ounce) package frozen whipped topping, thawed
• 2 (3 ounce) packages instant pistachio pudding mix
• 3 cups cold milk
• 2 tablespoons maraschino cherries, chopped (optional)
• 1/4 cup chopped walnuts

DIRECTIONS

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C).
2. To Make Crust: In a medium bowl combine flour and walnuts. Mix in softened butter or margarine until mixture is smooth. Spread mixture into the bottom of a 9x13 inch pan.
3. Bake in preheated oven for 20 to 30 minutes, until set and lightly browned. Allow to cool.
4. To Make Cream Cheese Layer: In a medium bowl, beat cream cheese until fluffy. Mix in vanilla extract, powdered sugar, and 1 cup of the whipped topping. Beat until smooth. Spread mixture over baked crust. Chill for 1 hour.
5. To Make Pudding Layer: In a large bowl, whisk together pudding mix and milk. Mix until pudding thickens. Spread over cream cheese layer. Top with remaining whipped topping, and sprinkle with cherries and walnuts. Chill before serving.
   

HARVEY WALLBANGER CAKE

• 1 (18.25 ounce) package yellow cake mix
• 1 (3.5 ounce) package instant vanilla pudding mix
• 4 eggs
• 1/2 cup vegetable oil
• 5 fluid ounces Galliano liqueur
• 2 fluid ounces vodka
• 1/2 cup orange juice
• 1 cup confectioners' sugar

DIRECTIONS

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C). Grease and flour one 10 inch tube pan.
2. Combine cake mix and pudding mix in a large bowl. Blend in eggs, vegetable oil, 4 ounces Galliano, 1 ounce vodka, and 4 ounces orange juice. Mix batter until smooth and thick and pour into prepared pan.
3. Bake at 350 degrees for 45 minutes. Let cake cool in pan for 10 minutes then remove and place on cooling rack. Spoon glaze over cake while it is still warm.
4. To Make Glaze: Combine the remaining 1 ounce Galliano, 1 ounce vodka, and 1ounce orange juice with the confectioner's sugar and blend until smooth. Spoon glaze over warm cake.

SOCK IT TO ME CAKE
1 package butter cake mix
1 cup sour cream
1/2 cup vegetable oil
1/4 cup white sugar
1/4 cup water
4 eggs
1 cup chopped pecans
2 tablespoons brown sugar
2 tablespoons ground cinnamon
1 cup confectioners' sugar
2 tablespoons milk

Directions:

Preheat oven to 375 degrees F. Grease and flour one 10-inch tube pan. In large bowl, blend together cake mix, sour cream, oil, 1/4 cup white sugar, water, and eggs. Beat at high speed for 2 minutes. Pour 2/3 of the batter into prepared tube pan. Combine pecans, brown sugar, and cinnamon, and sprinkle over batter in pan. Spread remaining batter evenly over filling mixture. Bake at 375 degrees F for 45-55 minutes until the cake springs back when touched lightly. Cool right-side-up in pan about 25 minutes. Mix together confectioners' sugar and milk. Remove cake from pan and drizzle with glaze.

WHISKEY SOUR

2 oz blended whiskey
juice of 1/2 lemon
1/2 tsp powdered sugar
1 cherry
1/2 slice lemon

Shake everything together over ice in a cocktail shaker and strain into a chilled rocks glass. Makes one cocktail.